I got up late again this morning and I ran to the station to catch my train. Just as I reached the ticket machine, a young man in a shirt and tie pushed in front of me. As he turned and grinned I wanted to say something but I bit my tongue and said nothing.
As my train pulled into the station I pushed through the crowd and squeezed through the doors. I spotted a spare seat halfway down the aisle and as I struggled to reach it, a woman dived in front of me, crushing my toe with her stiletto. I stumbled and put my hand out to stop myself falling and as I did so I accidentally pushed the woman. She managed to twist herself around and sank into the seat with a look of triumph. I apologised and stood up, embarrassed and irritated. Why was I apologising? She pushed in front of me — she should have apologised! I was angry but again I said nothing.
When I reached the office I held the door open for a colleague who sailed through the open doorway without so much as a thank you. “Well really!” I thought. “Some people have no manners.” But again I stayed silent.
Later in the day I thought about my journey to work. Why did I find it so difficult to stand up for myself? Why did I apologise when I wasn’t in the wrong? Could I have handled the situations in a better way? Over the years I had heard about behaving assertively, but I didn’t want to start the day by arguing with people or being abusive.
Behaving Assertively
Does any of this sound familiar? Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Peter assumes being assertive means being abusive — is this correct? In fact, behaving assertively means standing up for your rights without trampling on the rights of others, not arguing or behaving abusively.